Delayed ruminations...
How often do you feel that you have spent your entire life doing what you felt like doing... and you still haven’t started doing half the things you truly feel? God! I’m going nuts nowadays... Outwardly, I’m still the same Siddharth – doing my things... at my own pace... in my own way. But why do I always feel so different here in IIFM?
IIFM inspires me to delve into depths of my being which many times I enjoy discovering, sometimes I dread. And what I have been feeling for the past few days is simply this – a deep sense of vacuum within, coupled with an adrenalin urge to evaporate... and allow the vacuum to effuse...
I attend classes, enjoy them, look to a few ‘Insti’-works, but it’s all on the surface. There’s a strong undercurrent of indifference... There’s a sense of my potential being on leash. And what’s stopping me? Not IIFM, not anyone around me – but I myself. When lethargy coexists with known potential – potential beyond the comprehension of even the holder – it’s dangerous. Because this coexistence on its part has the potential of consuming the holder. And that is exactly what I am feeling – you see, the vacuum within... I shouldn’t implode... or let the vacuum be intruded upon. In either case, destruction is what would result. That’s why I just want to evaporate away... and allow the vacuum within and outside... to merge. No destruction. Simply union.
IIFM inspires me to delve into depths of my being which many times I enjoy discovering, sometimes I dread. And what I have been feeling for the past few days is simply this – a deep sense of vacuum within, coupled with an adrenalin urge to evaporate... and allow the vacuum to effuse...
I attend classes, enjoy them, look to a few ‘Insti’-works, but it’s all on the surface. There’s a strong undercurrent of indifference... There’s a sense of my potential being on leash. And what’s stopping me? Not IIFM, not anyone around me – but I myself. When lethargy coexists with known potential – potential beyond the comprehension of even the holder – it’s dangerous. Because this coexistence on its part has the potential of consuming the holder. And that is exactly what I am feeling – you see, the vacuum within... I shouldn’t implode... or let the vacuum be intruded upon. In either case, destruction is what would result. That’s why I just want to evaporate away... and allow the vacuum within and outside... to merge. No destruction. Simply union.
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